Experiencing Him

“One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.” Psalm 27:4

This is a familiar verse to many and it came to life to me last week when I was at a 5-day silent retreat at Upper Bukit Timah Road. It was a deep and unspeakable joy to experience the Lord’s presence and to be brought to mind some of the things that happened in Cambodia that the Lord wanted me to pay attention to. One such was a statement that came on strongly to me, ‘You have deliberately disobeyed me.’ I did not understand why it was so strikingly loud to me when we watched ‘The Lion King’ the first night at the retreat. I brushed it aside but it came back to me the next night. The Lord brought me back to a scene where I was with my ex-boss in Cambodia with some other people and we were having an informal meeting of some sort in a dream. I was thinking deeply about it and the statement, ‘You have deliberately disobeyed me’ continued to ring in my ears.

It came to light that while applying for a building permit in Cambodia, some complications came up and I was struggling with the go-abouts of handling the hiccups. I put into consideration not to violate God’s commands in regards to handling these hiccups. However, as the process went on, I remembered the thought of, ‘I don’t care anymore, just settle it the Khmer way and I want to get it over and done with!’. At that moment I was plagued with various issues more important to handle than the hiccups of the building permit. It was that moment I believed had offended God. It was completely out of my mind for a long time and it was immaterial to me. However, it was brought to my mind that it meant a lot to God the way things were handled. Some things which I may consider as trivial and harmless could be things that matter a lot to my good God.

The Lord was speaking to me in various ways with some help from my spiritual director. I felt so close to my Lord and there was this deep overflowing joy that came from within me.