It seems so recent and I remember vividly that day I was at a friend’s church witnessing her baptism, it was at Paya Lebar Methodist Church and it was Bee Lian’s baptism.
At about 1pm I received a call from my aunty saying that my mum saw my dad fainted in the room with blood coming out of his nose. I quickly called for an ambulance and rushed to see my dad in a taxi with a few of my friends.
Upon arrival, I saw my dad lying sideway on the floor with dried blood on his moustache area. I touched his hand and it was cold, I wondered how long he had been in that position. Was it fated also that the residential line was faulty....? Do I actually believe in fate..? I don’t! But if the line had not been faulty, he could have been able to call and survived whatever he was suffering from...maybe....
The whole scenario of going to the crematorium and the events thereafter are still succinct in my memory. I remember I cried most when I was hugging his ashes with my brother driving, feeling very sorry and sad that my father had turned into ashes and what remained of him was kept in an urn so much smaller than him. What made it worse was that I knew that that was my last contact ‘with him’ because we were heading to Changi Ferry Terminal to take a ferry out to return his ashes to the sea. I felt very sorry and sympathetic that he had chosen to have it done this way. He stated it in his will.
And I dream of him there and then. The last time was about a week ago where in the dream I was seated with him in somewhere that seemed like a living room and he was telling me that he went for stage 4 and 5 chemotherapy, trying to convey to me that he had himself covered from more than serious cancer. He was wearing a navy blue polo-shirt, the one I remember he used to wear when he was alive and also his usual silver framed spectacles. In the dream he looked good.
Sometimes I wonder if it is because I miss him that I have been dreaming about him... or is it that he misses me and he comes to meet me in my dream.. but my sensibility, belief and conviction tell me the latter is not possible though sometimes I wish it is....so that I would not think that I have lost him completely and that occasionally I can still see and meet him in my dreams. However, I can only conclude that the dreams were because I miss him in my subconscious mind.
I knew he doted on me most among the three of us. And I had often wondered if he would have had been supportive of my venture to Cambodia and now India....
I think he would because he had always been very supportive of my endeavours, and that was inclusive of my choice to believe in Jesus. He was also very supportive of my desire to want to learn Taekwondo back then.
My only prayer is that the Lord would give him another chance to choose Him and that he would.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Mussoorie trekking up to my cottage
The top two photos are the views along the way when I go to the market to get fresh vegetables and fruits. Up where I am I can have access to grocery but not fruits and vegetables. The photo with children singing is the children's day celebration in Mussoorie, their children's day is on 14Nov. I have a video of the children dancing but yet to put it up. Ten minutes walk from where I stay, I can see the awesome Himalayan snow capped mountains, no photos at the moment, soon, soon. ; )
Mussoorie, My cottage and Surrounding Scenery
This is the room that I am staying in. It is all in one, bathroom, a tiny kitchen with a small retangular table, a double bed, a three-drawer cupboard and a study table. I love the view outside my cottage! It is 'kitena sundar'! (it means how beautiful in Hindi)
The top two views are the views outside my cottage, how awesome, isn't it!
Friday, November 6, 2009
Mentality Shifting....
Upon arrival at the airport in New Delhi, there were two lanes for ‘foreign passports’ and one of the lanes was placed a sign that said, ‘For Diplomats/Officials’. Naturally I joined the other queue. After about 20 minutes, a father and daughter (they were queuing right in front of me) went forward to the counter together and handed in their passports to the immigration officer and they stood together at the counter waiting. And it was acceptable there to have two people at one counter! I thought it was one person at a time……
They seemed to have some complicated situations where they had to produce different documents from different stacks of documents. And because of that, it took a long time.
After the duo had been at the counter for about ten minutes, a lady behind me (in the same queue as me) told me to go ahead to the other counter (the one that said, ‘for diplomats/officials’) because she said that the duo was having complication and would take a long time. I looked at the counter and told her it was for diplomats and officials but she said that it was alright. She prompted me to get ready and cut in immediately when the counter was available. I said okay, thinking that it was quite a good idea.
As I was waiting and contemplating her suggestion, I wondered about what would the people in the queue for ‘diplomats/officials’ do when they saw me cutting the queue……?!?! Moreover, having been brought up in Singapore, the sign that said, ‘for diplomats/officials’ meant that it was only for diplomats or officials, and I was none of those! I then decided to wait obediently and faithfully behind the complicated duo, like a good Singapore citizen.
It was indeed a long time and while waiting, a man came standing right in front of me, though I was already standing on the yellow line, which is the segregation between the queue and the counter. I was wondering if he was trying to cut my queue or he was trying to cut the other queue on the other side of me that was for ‘Indian passports’. Within about five minutes, a few other men joined in and stood right in front of me, making me the fourth person after the duo. It suddenly struck me that, ‘yes!’ they were cutting my queue!
On hindsight, I ‘bo chap’ and quickly squeezed through these three men and stood right in front of them! I don't know where I got the courage! And with that, I was just about to be facing the immigration officer who was still settling the issues with the father and daughter. Simultaneously, I looked over to the ‘for diplomats/officials’ queue and realized that the lady behind me had gone over to that counter! The immigration officer processed her passport and grumbled that his queue was for diplomats and officials only and she was not any of those. The lady said something and got through! I was thinking inside me, ‘like that also can ah!’ And was brought back to incidents which I encountered in Cambodia which were all ‘like that also can ah!’
As I was running through my thoughts, the immigration officer discovered that the queue had come so near him and made some noise. The people then moved back and I followed suit.
Wow! The Lord was already preparing me to have a mentality shift as soon as I stepped into the airport!
I was very grateful and proud of my country where many things are done in an orderly and prescribed manner. However, I also came to recognise that it has inevitably handicapped me in various ways in foreign countries where things are done in fairly improper manners… but, well, this pushes me to rely on Him.
They seemed to have some complicated situations where they had to produce different documents from different stacks of documents. And because of that, it took a long time.
After the duo had been at the counter for about ten minutes, a lady behind me (in the same queue as me) told me to go ahead to the other counter (the one that said, ‘for diplomats/officials’) because she said that the duo was having complication and would take a long time. I looked at the counter and told her it was for diplomats and officials but she said that it was alright. She prompted me to get ready and cut in immediately when the counter was available. I said okay, thinking that it was quite a good idea.
As I was waiting and contemplating her suggestion, I wondered about what would the people in the queue for ‘diplomats/officials’ do when they saw me cutting the queue……?!?! Moreover, having been brought up in Singapore, the sign that said, ‘for diplomats/officials’ meant that it was only for diplomats or officials, and I was none of those! I then decided to wait obediently and faithfully behind the complicated duo, like a good Singapore citizen.
It was indeed a long time and while waiting, a man came standing right in front of me, though I was already standing on the yellow line, which is the segregation between the queue and the counter. I was wondering if he was trying to cut my queue or he was trying to cut the other queue on the other side of me that was for ‘Indian passports’. Within about five minutes, a few other men joined in and stood right in front of me, making me the fourth person after the duo. It suddenly struck me that, ‘yes!’ they were cutting my queue!
On hindsight, I ‘bo chap’ and quickly squeezed through these three men and stood right in front of them! I don't know where I got the courage! And with that, I was just about to be facing the immigration officer who was still settling the issues with the father and daughter. Simultaneously, I looked over to the ‘for diplomats/officials’ queue and realized that the lady behind me had gone over to that counter! The immigration officer processed her passport and grumbled that his queue was for diplomats and officials only and she was not any of those. The lady said something and got through! I was thinking inside me, ‘like that also can ah!’ And was brought back to incidents which I encountered in Cambodia which were all ‘like that also can ah!’
As I was running through my thoughts, the immigration officer discovered that the queue had come so near him and made some noise. The people then moved back and I followed suit.
Wow! The Lord was already preparing me to have a mentality shift as soon as I stepped into the airport!
I was very grateful and proud of my country where many things are done in an orderly and prescribed manner. However, I also came to recognise that it has inevitably handicapped me in various ways in foreign countries where things are done in fairly improper manners… but, well, this pushes me to rely on Him.
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