Missing Cambodia…….

I miss the cordial countenance of the Khmers. I miss the children’s noise, their warmness, friendliness and generous smiles. I long to talk to them, to hold and to touch.

The intensity of longing for them was beyond my expectation and it surprised me. A few sudden urges arose to go back and continue to work there so that I could be in contact with them. I know it was silliness and absurdity but it also astonished me for having such thoughts.

On an occasion gazing at a fruitful mango tree along Hougang triggered the thoughts of ‘how could the mangoes still be on the trees!!!’ It is such a waste and such a plentiful for survival of at least a few days for a few poor Khmer families! The fruits could have been taken to sell in the market in exchange for rice and/or meat.

Or, the mangoes would be all gone in minutes if my boys were here! How could the fruits still be hanging there to rot….

I could not resist the urge to ask a passerby who the mangoes belong to. The answer was “the government lo”, I said, “Yea, I know itz the government, the government, who, HDB? Social Affairs, or Town Council….which body?” The passerby said, “I don’t know. Anyway, these mangoes are not tasty, the other type the what what what… are the delicious ones.” Again, another cultural difference: Singaporeans go for tasty mangoes, Khmers are happy with edible mangoes. I miss the innocence and simplicity of the Khmers. And also the ‘anything goes attitude and mentality’, especially on the road!

I long for the children’s ever ready and generous smiles and I miss watching the children’s camaraderie.

Two months ago on 18 April, last day in Cambodia

Emotional exhaustion, physical tiredness and a forethought of having to part with the kids and staff had been choking me in the last few weeks of my service in the orphanage. And it got more intense on this memorable day.

I enjoyed my last moments with my last batch of children who did not get to go home for Khmer New Year at the nearby restaurant in the morning, the Cambodia province restaurant but by Singapore standard, it was a coffee shop. It was an enjoyable time to be able to be with them and see their cheerful faces for one last time in a small group setting. Bearing in mind that it will be my last time with this specific group of kids and it was their first time for most, in this restaurant.

I consider it the best time to depart. Khmer New Year is the most celebrated festive season in Cambodia and about 80% of the kids were home for Khmer New Year. Which means there were less than thirty children to part with. It was a lot bearable.

After a pleasant meal with my beloved kids, it was then packing and more last minute packing with interruptions of farewells from different people. I knew I was going to lose what I had been having for the past two years, the familiar smiles, laughter, the morning running of the lorry and the chattering and running of the children getting ready to go to school and much more. I felt like crying but the tears did not flow till the last moment.

It is still vivid in my mind he said a prayer for me by the white Ford and it was then that I could not bear it anymore and the tears came, and was glad it did not last long. I guess he knew what was in my heart and mind. I thank God for him. God has His purposes, always. I guess if not for him as the in-between and another volunteer turned friend by me, I would not have sustained till my last day. The volunteer turned friend had been with me helping me and supporting me in various ways, in ways I could not imagine how much I needed him. Or I would have had collapsed with dire consequences. I thank God for him as well and I appreciate him. Of course these are all a part of all Jesus’ sustaining grace, love and provision. He knows my needs and my limits and my weaknesses, a lot more than I know them.

“Even to your old age and grey hairs, I am He, I am He Who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you. I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” Isaiah 46:4

What do I miss most of Cambodia……..?