I Still Do Not Understand

This first episode of my visa application is over. But I came to understand more about myself. I think the Lord is revealing another side of me to me which I did not see.

Besides, I did not realize I could be so emotionally disturbed and confused. I was a little distressed the night before I went to find out the result of my application. And I woke up with not much peace upon my heart, and also had a strange dream the night before and did not rest very well.

But praise the Lord He prepared me of His love and sovereignty in the morning before I left for the High Commission. With the confidence of friends' prayers for me and the assurance of God's sovereignty, I went to face the music. On the way though, I thought of not going or delaying another day, somehow there is this tiny apprehension of knowing the outcome; thank God my mind was stronger, I went nonetheless.

I received the result with calmness and courtesy (to the officer whom I went to see for the third time in two weeks). But as the reality sinks in slowly, I began to feel depressive and close to tears. I do not understand the reason behind the delay and especially my return will help to ease the busyness at the centre. I do not understand also the reasons behind the whole ordeal. First, it was like a breeze to get the visa so long as I sign up as a student with this institute though the cost was not reasonable. And after that, the letters were submitted but to my surprise, the officer rejected and requested for another letter. It then gave me a thinker that perhaps the visa is not going to come. The letter came and this time I was more prepared to know that it could be a 'no'.

As I looked back on those days (after the first attempt failed) of reflection, I remembered that I did sense a flow of peace as I sat at His feet one morning praying about the situation. The peace seemed to tell me that He would be working it out for me and I would receive my visa as planned and I could return as planned or with a few days' delay.

I have also told my students in the centre that I will return to teach them on the 17 January. With a staff leaving the centre prematurely and a new class that was scheduled to start in the beginning of the year, it makes the staff strength doubly short-handed.

I still do not understand this situation. But I know the Lord Who is good and Who loves me and has the power to do all things. He is in control of it and knows what is good for me. Rom 8:28