This first episode of my visa application is over. But I came to understand more about myself. I think the Lord is revealing another side of me to me which I did not see.
Besides, I did not realize I could be so emotionally disturbed and confused. I was a little distressed the night before I went to find out the result of my application. And I woke up with not much peace upon my heart, and also had a strange dream the night before and did not rest very well.
But praise the Lord He prepared me of His love and sovereignty in the morning before I left for the High Commission. With the confidence of friends' prayers for me and the assurance of God's sovereignty, I went to face the music. On the way though, I thought of not going or delaying another day, somehow there is this tiny apprehension of knowing the outcome; thank God my mind was stronger, I went nonetheless.
I received the result with calmness and courtesy (to the officer whom I went to see for the third time in two weeks). But as the reality sinks in slowly, I began to feel depressive and close to tears. I do not understand the reason behind the delay and especially my return will help to ease the busyness at the centre. I do not understand also the reasons behind the whole ordeal. First, it was like a breeze to get the visa so long as I sign up as a student with this institute though the cost was not reasonable. And after that, the letters were submitted but to my surprise, the officer rejected and requested for another letter. It then gave me a thinker that perhaps the visa is not going to come. The letter came and this time I was more prepared to know that it could be a 'no'.
As I looked back on those days (after the first attempt failed) of reflection, I remembered that I did sense a flow of peace as I sat at His feet one morning praying about the situation. The peace seemed to tell me that He would be working it out for me and I would receive my visa as planned and I could return as planned or with a few days' delay.
I have also told my students in the centre that I will return to teach them on the 17 January. With a staff leaving the centre prematurely and a new class that was scheduled to start in the beginning of the year, it makes the staff strength doubly short-handed.
I still do not understand this situation. But I know the Lord Who is good and Who loves me and has the power to do all things. He is in control of it and knows what is good for me. Rom 8:28
Friday, January 14, 2011
Sunday, December 5, 2010
A Pair of Slippers
I was having my boy students for the first time in the afternoon (I have been having boys for my morning class) and one of the boys came in with this pair of slippers.
This pair of slippers caught my attention and I was intrigued by how much it has been stretched of its lifespan. And it just caused me to think of the kids back home of the same age and their possession of branded expensive slippers and sandals that have been so much taken for granted. Or even for myself, I don’t remember possessing such a pair of worn-out slippers. It was in witnessing the survival with the minimum possible and in being content with it that touched my heart. The solution (my country people has the propensity to want to find a solution to something that is considered ‘a problem’, something imperfect or a shortfall of a certain standard) was not to be compassionate towards the owner of this pair of slippers and to replace a pair of slippers for him. Most crucially, the lesson that I can draw from is the contentment of this boy and his attitude that tells me physical comfort is immaterial. I asked myself, “How much of physical comfort do I ‘demand’ for myself?” And I wonder to what extent am I willing to let our Lord stretch me to His mould, plan and purposes for my life like the way the slippers have stretched its lifespan.
Last week I visited my students (they are brothers) at their house and saw it for myself the tiny house they are living in. These boys are very keen to learn and are bright. If they had been given a chance to study in a private school, they would have excelled. But living below the poverty line they are deprived of a good education and nutrition. The younger brother has a small body which I consider disproportional to the size of his head. The older brother (they are only one year apart) is a fine young boy who is well-mannered, a little more sensible and eager to learn. My heart breaks whenever I see him in his tight supposedly white uniform but has yellowish spots at different parts of the uniform. This time I really wanted to buy him a white uniform that fits him comfortably but refrained from doing that.
At the end of last week, the mother of another of my boy (12 year-old) student came anxiously to me to want to talk to me about her son. I excused myself from the class and listened to her revelation of her son’s poor attendance in school and that he has been running around the community and has picked up smoking and drinking. Her eyes reveal her desperation and helplessness and she was close to tears. I saw the relief in her eyes when I said I would pray for him and we will see what we could do for him.
As I revealed this boy’s condition to my colleague (local), he nonchalantly said, “It’s like that in this community because in non-private schools, the teacher does not teach or they do not turn up, so the students are easily led away by bad company and vile habits.”
Such is the condition of this community and the vulnerability of the kids in the community. But they are God’s children! We have to release them from the schemes of the evil one!
Just these few weeks, I have heard of a quarrel between two parties along the road near to where my centre is and the quarrel led to one party picking up a pole nearby and hitting the other party with it. And the victim laid on the floor unconscious! And there was another incident where someone hit the windscreen of a car and smashed it into pieces. Yet in a different occurrence, two men extorted money from a pedestrian at the same area in broad daylight and no one came to his aid.
My hope and prayer is that the glory of the Lord shines in this community and transforms it! This community needs Him.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
What can I do..... ?
I was told that my boys (the group of students I teach in the morning) go among the rubbish heaps to pick up things that they can find value for in the morning before they come to my class later in the morning.
I was sad to hear that and I was wondering how I would feel if I witnessed any of them doing the pick of the litter. And indeed after three months there, I witnessed two of my boys among the rubbish holding a big empty rice bag concentrating on the heap of litter. My heart went out to them and one of them is just nine years old and the other is fourteen years old. The fourteen year old boy is a hardworking boy and good-natured, I presume he could be spending the time studying if he is not out trying to pick good out of the unwanted. I have a special touch with this boy and I do not understand why. When he is absent I tend to be disappointed. I think partly I know that though he is weak, he is hardworking and I admire him for that. I also recognize that missing one class for him is crucial because he is a little behind the other few boys and he is not as quick to learn new things and I am worried that he would give up.
It is not so simple as just giving up learning English, it could mean getting into bad company and picking up bad habits because the place is notorious for illegal activities in the evening and into the night. It could mean a ruined life. And especially at his age, things turn wayward rather easily.
I have heard and seen people who rely on rubbish picking for a livelihood in Cambodia, Philippines and now in Delhi but I never ever expect to come so close to one. And as I recall, he was down with diarrhea about three weeks ago for a few days and today he is down with vomiting and had missed classes and I just realized yesterday (after seeing him in the rubbish heap) that it is because he is exposed to so much germs and bacteria in the midst of heaps of litter.
Yet, how much can I do? I cannot possibly tell him to stop doing it and that I could render some monetary help. And I cannot deny that this is happening and numb myself and carry on with my life status quo. But what can I do
I can pray for him at least and at most and let Him show that he is loved by the Almighty.
I was sad to hear that and I was wondering how I would feel if I witnessed any of them doing the pick of the litter. And indeed after three months there, I witnessed two of my boys among the rubbish holding a big empty rice bag concentrating on the heap of litter. My heart went out to them and one of them is just nine years old and the other is fourteen years old. The fourteen year old boy is a hardworking boy and good-natured, I presume he could be spending the time studying if he is not out trying to pick good out of the unwanted. I have a special touch with this boy and I do not understand why. When he is absent I tend to be disappointed. I think partly I know that though he is weak, he is hardworking and I admire him for that. I also recognize that missing one class for him is crucial because he is a little behind the other few boys and he is not as quick to learn new things and I am worried that he would give up.
It is not so simple as just giving up learning English, it could mean getting into bad company and picking up bad habits because the place is notorious for illegal activities in the evening and into the night. It could mean a ruined life. And especially at his age, things turn wayward rather easily.
I have heard and seen people who rely on rubbish picking for a livelihood in Cambodia, Philippines and now in Delhi but I never ever expect to come so close to one. And as I recall, he was down with diarrhea about three weeks ago for a few days and today he is down with vomiting and had missed classes and I just realized yesterday (after seeing him in the rubbish heap) that it is because he is exposed to so much germs and bacteria in the midst of heaps of litter.
Yet, how much can I do? I cannot possibly tell him to stop doing it and that I could render some monetary help. And I cannot deny that this is happening and numb myself and carry on with my life status quo. But what can I do
I can pray for him at least and at most and let Him show that he is loved by the Almighty.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Today was Communion Sunday
Today was communion Sunday. Instead of going to the Corinthians passage, this week the pastor was reading from Hebrews 10:10-22. v. 10“And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.” And the pastor went on to talk about the sacrifice of Jesus and that we are also to live a sacrificial life, a life whereby you sacrifice yourself, sacrifice to live the life that Christ calls you to live.
At that point I was disappointed with myself. To add on to that, while taking the bread and the cup, the song, ‘The Old Rugged Cross’ was played as the background music while the communion was being prepared. At the chorus, ‘So i’ll cherish the old rugged cross, till my trophies at last I lay down. I will cling to the old rugged cross and exchange it someday for a crown.’ I cannot help but was distressed with myself.
Just the previous night, I was talking to a friend from my country for a long time and I was expressing that I am missing Singapore and that I would still want to go back. I also realised that even when I was buying clothes, I chose clothes with designs that are acceptable in Singapore and that I will still want to wear them when I am back. I also recalled telling my cousin last June that I will probably help out in India for a few years and return to my comfort zone. I guess this is not wrong but I do not consider this as living a sacrificial life as Jesus did and carrying the old rugged cross but rather having a will of my own instead of laying my life at the altar of Jesus and waiting for His command and be ready to obey it. When singing the song, my mind was just thinking that if carrying the cross is to exchange for a crown, I don’t mind having a small crown and going back to my comfort zone at my own will.
Two days ago I was on a cycle rickshaw and witnessed the oppression of the lower caste, the rickshaw cyclist. Here, one of the common public transportation is cycle rickshaw and auto rickshaw. This rickshaw cyclist turned into the road that leads to my colony and there was a bad jam at that timing (I didn’t know). We were waiting for the traffic to ease so that we could move on. Then, I witnessed a motorbike calling out to this rickshaw cyclist, I could not make out what he was trying to tell him but his gesture and body language was telling the cyclist to give way. We were all jammed up, and he just demanded him to move so that he could cross over. There was actually a puddle of water right beside where the rickshaw was and it was not easy for him to move, but he had no choice as this motor biker was talking to him in a way that I felt was more like a command than a favour. Just because he was a rickshaw cyclist! If it had been someone else or another higher class vehicle in the same situation, the motor biker would not have had the audacity to ask that vehicle to move!
Shortly after the motor biker moved, another vehicle, now a van was squeezing his way through as the traffic was easing a little, in fact, he was the one who should not come into our lane, nevertheless he did and again he commanded the rickshaw cyclist to move aside so that he could pass! And it was again in a belittling way. My heart went out to the rickshaw cyclist who did not have a choice but oppressed to do what was told.
Oppression here is prevalent and the oppressors ‘enjoy’ oppressing while the oppressed had not a voice and even if they had a voice, it is not heard and addressed. On that day after I dropped from the rickshaw my heart went out to the marginalised. And I recalled in Isa 61:1 that the Lord wants the good news to be preached to the poor. And I was feeling glad that I am here. But I was also thinking that even if the poor comes to know Jesus, how much of the oppression can be elevated from them? Here in India, not much probably, and more likely, none. However, I was enlightened to the fact that they get to have justice and to live freely without any subjugation and in eternal bliss when the Lord brings them home. Moreover, they can also then live with a hope and a changed attitude towards this subservient life. And I was glad I am into the work of bringing hope to the poor right where I am.
To my displeasure, as I was reflecting over the happenings of these few days at Holy Communion, though was indignant over the oppression of the poor, I was still thinking of going back to my comfort zone. How much of the old rugged cross am I carrying?
At that point I was disappointed with myself. To add on to that, while taking the bread and the cup, the song, ‘The Old Rugged Cross’ was played as the background music while the communion was being prepared. At the chorus, ‘So i’ll cherish the old rugged cross, till my trophies at last I lay down. I will cling to the old rugged cross and exchange it someday for a crown.’ I cannot help but was distressed with myself.
Just the previous night, I was talking to a friend from my country for a long time and I was expressing that I am missing Singapore and that I would still want to go back. I also realised that even when I was buying clothes, I chose clothes with designs that are acceptable in Singapore and that I will still want to wear them when I am back. I also recalled telling my cousin last June that I will probably help out in India for a few years and return to my comfort zone. I guess this is not wrong but I do not consider this as living a sacrificial life as Jesus did and carrying the old rugged cross but rather having a will of my own instead of laying my life at the altar of Jesus and waiting for His command and be ready to obey it. When singing the song, my mind was just thinking that if carrying the cross is to exchange for a crown, I don’t mind having a small crown and going back to my comfort zone at my own will.
Two days ago I was on a cycle rickshaw and witnessed the oppression of the lower caste, the rickshaw cyclist. Here, one of the common public transportation is cycle rickshaw and auto rickshaw. This rickshaw cyclist turned into the road that leads to my colony and there was a bad jam at that timing (I didn’t know). We were waiting for the traffic to ease so that we could move on. Then, I witnessed a motorbike calling out to this rickshaw cyclist, I could not make out what he was trying to tell him but his gesture and body language was telling the cyclist to give way. We were all jammed up, and he just demanded him to move so that he could cross over. There was actually a puddle of water right beside where the rickshaw was and it was not easy for him to move, but he had no choice as this motor biker was talking to him in a way that I felt was more like a command than a favour. Just because he was a rickshaw cyclist! If it had been someone else or another higher class vehicle in the same situation, the motor biker would not have had the audacity to ask that vehicle to move!
Shortly after the motor biker moved, another vehicle, now a van was squeezing his way through as the traffic was easing a little, in fact, he was the one who should not come into our lane, nevertheless he did and again he commanded the rickshaw cyclist to move aside so that he could pass! And it was again in a belittling way. My heart went out to the rickshaw cyclist who did not have a choice but oppressed to do what was told.
Oppression here is prevalent and the oppressors ‘enjoy’ oppressing while the oppressed had not a voice and even if they had a voice, it is not heard and addressed. On that day after I dropped from the rickshaw my heart went out to the marginalised. And I recalled in Isa 61:1 that the Lord wants the good news to be preached to the poor. And I was feeling glad that I am here. But I was also thinking that even if the poor comes to know Jesus, how much of the oppression can be elevated from them? Here in India, not much probably, and more likely, none. However, I was enlightened to the fact that they get to have justice and to live freely without any subjugation and in eternal bliss when the Lord brings them home. Moreover, they can also then live with a hope and a changed attitude towards this subservient life. And I was glad I am into the work of bringing hope to the poor right where I am.
To my displeasure, as I was reflecting over the happenings of these few days at Holy Communion, though was indignant over the oppression of the poor, I was still thinking of going back to my comfort zone. How much of the old rugged cross am I carrying?
Monday, August 30, 2010
Incredible India
Appalling news I read in the papers!
A pregnant lady was lying on the roadside of a prime busy market and gave birth!
She severed the umbilical cord by forcefully pulling the baby away from it. She died four days later. The baby survived but is found to be having blood infection.
A 23-year old lady lost her right eye after being hit by her husband, reason being that she gave birth to a baby girl and the husband demanded more money (as part of her dowry) because it was a girl!
It was a deep hole and the worker had to repair and set the cable inside it. How can it be done?
Mind-blowing method: two men on each side held onto each of another man’s feet and the man went head down into the hole to repair the cable! I wish I could scan the photo in the newspaper and post it but ‘marey pas scanner nahi hae’ (I don’t have a scanner in Hindi).
Is the moral degeneration of man deteriorating? I believe so!
The self-centredness and indifference are apparent in the news above. In China, a male sex worker claimed that nine to five job is boring and chose to change his profession as a male prostitute! And now he has no regrets for the job switch.
There are plenty of horrifying news daily and plenty more covered up or unreported.
The Prince of the World is working hard and man is succumbing to his lure. Where is our attraction of standing against this tide? Are we also becoming calloused and indifferent? We are the light in the darkness, shine for Jesus.
A pregnant lady was lying on the roadside of a prime busy market and gave birth!
She severed the umbilical cord by forcefully pulling the baby away from it. She died four days later. The baby survived but is found to be having blood infection.
A 23-year old lady lost her right eye after being hit by her husband, reason being that she gave birth to a baby girl and the husband demanded more money (as part of her dowry) because it was a girl!
It was a deep hole and the worker had to repair and set the cable inside it. How can it be done?
Mind-blowing method: two men on each side held onto each of another man’s feet and the man went head down into the hole to repair the cable! I wish I could scan the photo in the newspaper and post it but ‘marey pas scanner nahi hae’ (I don’t have a scanner in Hindi).
Is the moral degeneration of man deteriorating? I believe so!
The self-centredness and indifference are apparent in the news above. In China, a male sex worker claimed that nine to five job is boring and chose to change his profession as a male prostitute! And now he has no regrets for the job switch.
There are plenty of horrifying news daily and plenty more covered up or unreported.
The Prince of the World is working hard and man is succumbing to his lure. Where is our attraction of standing against this tide? Are we also becoming calloused and indifferent? We are the light in the darkness, shine for Jesus.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Servant
Servant by P.T.Chandapilla
This is a very profound book that I am reading and it has brought back reminders and new insights that are very challenging, extraordinary and bible (John 13) based. I have pulled out some pointers to help us look to Jesus’ example and re-evaluate our lives to help us model after our Saviour.
An excerpt in ‘Foreword’ by C V Matthew from Union Biblical Seminary, Pune, India says this:
‘This book is disturbing, especially to those in the world of Christian leadership.............Christian servanthood is a call to stand at the end of the line, to be a slave with no rights, to be poor, to be considered a failure, and finally to die an insignificant death if not ignoble.’
By Author P.T.Chandapilla a little edition by me
One of the weaknesses of the church today is her lack of understanding of Christian servanthood as taught and demonstrated by the Lord Jesus. The outstanding example in the life of the Lord Jesus in John 13 is the demonstration and explanation which Jesus gave. This action of the Lord Jesus was not called forth out of a sense of duty nor because of a need that had to be met. It was the ultimate expression of His love for His fellow workers, and a closing reality of His visible and eternal relationship with them. It was love for the unlovely and unlovable. These disciples were weak and often unlovable; yet He loved them to the end. That is what makes a Christian servant. He is a true slave, one who loves to the end and dies loving.
The tragedy of Golgotha is that the game the Devil knew and moved would end in his favour. It did end in his favour and it seemed to be the final defeat of the mission of the Lord Jesus after 33 years of consistent ministry. However, paradoxically, the defeat ended with Easter. This was also a moment of personal failure for the Lord Jesus in Judas, son of Simon, whom Jesus loved very much. He was betrayed by one whom He loved.
Jesus could be what He was, because He knew His genesis and His destiny. He knew His attributes and abilities, given to Him as the Creator, and as the Only Begotten Son of God. He knew His past, His present, His future-all these were fully before Him. In this is the triumph of Christian servanthood; to know yourself as belonging to the Kingdom, when all else breaks to pieces. It is not a setting of weakness but a setting of essential personal strength.
Until we have grasped what Christian servanthood is, how can we concern ourselves about Christian leadership? To be a leader without humility in service is the world’s standard.
Christian servanthood takes initiative to do the needful.
Christian servanthood means doing that which one is not assigned to do.
Christian servanthood has no glamour, it is a despised work, to go down the rung of a ladder of power. The status symbols and equipment of servanthood are a towel and a basin at home.
`In John 13, Jesus did not only take the place of a slave, He did the work of a slave. Christian servanthood is not talk, mere discussion, but it is labour and work. Christian servanthood in action is labour, it is work, it is getting on all fours on the floor, it is the work of a slave. In John 13:8, The Lord Jesus as the One who serves even overcame resistance to service. It will be the closest to us in fellowship and those who know us well who bring resistance to our servanthood. For example, a Godly mother refusing her daughter from going to the missions field. Just as Jesus overcame that resistance (from Peter) to serve, Christian servanthood requires overcoming that resistance.
Moreover, Jesus served His enemy (Judas, His betrayer) who meant Him harm. Christian servanthood is not an easy walkover. Because one becomes a servant let us not think that all over the world Christian fellowship will do the same!
Our call is to follow Jesus and be prepared to go to any extent in practising this kind of servanthood. It is something quite different from the world’s perspective of service. The world has nothing akin to the examples of servanthood found in the Christian Gospels. In John 13:14, Jesus commanded the disciples to serve one another. The work of a slave or Christian servant is not an option but a condition for the disciples of Jesus. This call to servanthood is tested first and foremost by conduct and behaviour among fellow disciples and fellow servants.
There is a setting in the Christian world where this message of servanthood is needed. Christian servanthood is an area that needs urgent teaching and training by practice and precepts. This is a lesson that we will learn only from experience and this is what is seen exemplified greatly in the life of Jesus Christ. True learning, however, comes from practising and exercising.
Watch out for Part II
This is a very profound book that I am reading and it has brought back reminders and new insights that are very challenging, extraordinary and bible (John 13) based. I have pulled out some pointers to help us look to Jesus’ example and re-evaluate our lives to help us model after our Saviour.
An excerpt in ‘Foreword’ by C V Matthew from Union Biblical Seminary, Pune, India says this:
‘This book is disturbing, especially to those in the world of Christian leadership.............Christian servanthood is a call to stand at the end of the line, to be a slave with no rights, to be poor, to be considered a failure, and finally to die an insignificant death if not ignoble.’
By Author P.T.Chandapilla a little edition by me
One of the weaknesses of the church today is her lack of understanding of Christian servanthood as taught and demonstrated by the Lord Jesus. The outstanding example in the life of the Lord Jesus in John 13 is the demonstration and explanation which Jesus gave. This action of the Lord Jesus was not called forth out of a sense of duty nor because of a need that had to be met. It was the ultimate expression of His love for His fellow workers, and a closing reality of His visible and eternal relationship with them. It was love for the unlovely and unlovable. These disciples were weak and often unlovable; yet He loved them to the end. That is what makes a Christian servant. He is a true slave, one who loves to the end and dies loving.
The tragedy of Golgotha is that the game the Devil knew and moved would end in his favour. It did end in his favour and it seemed to be the final defeat of the mission of the Lord Jesus after 33 years of consistent ministry. However, paradoxically, the defeat ended with Easter. This was also a moment of personal failure for the Lord Jesus in Judas, son of Simon, whom Jesus loved very much. He was betrayed by one whom He loved.
Jesus could be what He was, because He knew His genesis and His destiny. He knew His attributes and abilities, given to Him as the Creator, and as the Only Begotten Son of God. He knew His past, His present, His future-all these were fully before Him. In this is the triumph of Christian servanthood; to know yourself as belonging to the Kingdom, when all else breaks to pieces. It is not a setting of weakness but a setting of essential personal strength.
Until we have grasped what Christian servanthood is, how can we concern ourselves about Christian leadership? To be a leader without humility in service is the world’s standard.
Christian servanthood takes initiative to do the needful.
Christian servanthood means doing that which one is not assigned to do.
Christian servanthood has no glamour, it is a despised work, to go down the rung of a ladder of power. The status symbols and equipment of servanthood are a towel and a basin at home.
`In John 13, Jesus did not only take the place of a slave, He did the work of a slave. Christian servanthood is not talk, mere discussion, but it is labour and work. Christian servanthood in action is labour, it is work, it is getting on all fours on the floor, it is the work of a slave. In John 13:8, The Lord Jesus as the One who serves even overcame resistance to service. It will be the closest to us in fellowship and those who know us well who bring resistance to our servanthood. For example, a Godly mother refusing her daughter from going to the missions field. Just as Jesus overcame that resistance (from Peter) to serve, Christian servanthood requires overcoming that resistance.
Moreover, Jesus served His enemy (Judas, His betrayer) who meant Him harm. Christian servanthood is not an easy walkover. Because one becomes a servant let us not think that all over the world Christian fellowship will do the same!
Our call is to follow Jesus and be prepared to go to any extent in practising this kind of servanthood. It is something quite different from the world’s perspective of service. The world has nothing akin to the examples of servanthood found in the Christian Gospels. In John 13:14, Jesus commanded the disciples to serve one another. The work of a slave or Christian servant is not an option but a condition for the disciples of Jesus. This call to servanthood is tested first and foremost by conduct and behaviour among fellow disciples and fellow servants.
There is a setting in the Christian world where this message of servanthood is needed. Christian servanthood is an area that needs urgent teaching and training by practice and precepts. This is a lesson that we will learn only from experience and this is what is seen exemplified greatly in the life of Jesus Christ. True learning, however, comes from practising and exercising.
Watch out for Part II
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
