Missing Cambodia…….

I miss the cordial countenance of the Khmers. I miss the children’s noise, their warmness, friendliness and generous smiles. I long to talk to them, to hold and to touch.

The intensity of longing for them was beyond my expectation and it surprised me. A few sudden urges arose to go back and continue to work there so that I could be in contact with them. I know it was silliness and absurdity but it also astonished me for having such thoughts.

On an occasion gazing at a fruitful mango tree along Hougang triggered the thoughts of ‘how could the mangoes still be on the trees!!!’ It is such a waste and such a plentiful for survival of at least a few days for a few poor Khmer families! The fruits could have been taken to sell in the market in exchange for rice and/or meat.

Or, the mangoes would be all gone in minutes if my boys were here! How could the fruits still be hanging there to rot….

I could not resist the urge to ask a passerby who the mangoes belong to. The answer was “the government lo”, I said, “Yea, I know itz the government, the government, who, HDB? Social Affairs, or Town Council….which body?” The passerby said, “I don’t know. Anyway, these mangoes are not tasty, the other type the what what what… are the delicious ones.” Again, another cultural difference: Singaporeans go for tasty mangoes, Khmers are happy with edible mangoes. I miss the innocence and simplicity of the Khmers. And also the ‘anything goes attitude and mentality’, especially on the road!

I long for the children’s ever ready and generous smiles and I miss watching the children’s camaraderie.

Two months ago on 18 April, last day in Cambodia

Emotional exhaustion, physical tiredness and a forethought of having to part with the kids and staff had been choking me in the last few weeks of my service in the orphanage. And it got more intense on this memorable day.

I enjoyed my last moments with my last batch of children who did not get to go home for Khmer New Year at the nearby restaurant in the morning, the Cambodia province restaurant but by Singapore standard, it was a coffee shop. It was an enjoyable time to be able to be with them and see their cheerful faces for one last time in a small group setting. Bearing in mind that it will be my last time with this specific group of kids and it was their first time for most, in this restaurant.

I consider it the best time to depart. Khmer New Year is the most celebrated festive season in Cambodia and about 80% of the kids were home for Khmer New Year. Which means there were less than thirty children to part with. It was a lot bearable.

After a pleasant meal with my beloved kids, it was then packing and more last minute packing with interruptions of farewells from different people. I knew I was going to lose what I had been having for the past two years, the familiar smiles, laughter, the morning running of the lorry and the chattering and running of the children getting ready to go to school and much more. I felt like crying but the tears did not flow till the last moment.

It is still vivid in my mind he said a prayer for me by the white Ford and it was then that I could not bear it anymore and the tears came, and was glad it did not last long. I guess he knew what was in my heart and mind. I thank God for him. God has His purposes, always. I guess if not for him as the in-between and another volunteer turned friend by me, I would not have sustained till my last day. The volunteer turned friend had been with me helping me and supporting me in various ways, in ways I could not imagine how much I needed him. Or I would have had collapsed with dire consequences. I thank God for him as well and I appreciate him. Of course these are all a part of all Jesus’ sustaining grace, love and provision. He knows my needs and my limits and my weaknesses, a lot more than I know them.

“Even to your old age and grey hairs, I am He, I am He Who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you. I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” Isaiah 46:4

What do I miss most of Cambodia……..?

Two Years Ago

I remember two years ago, about this time, I was full of passion and excitement about the new venture in my life, embarking into something I thought was what I wanted very much to do.

However, now, it has become a past, a pleasant past and a great experience of discovering people, different types of people and a wonderful learning experience about God and His unfailing love and presence. Jesus is always, always so so good.

Two years may seem very long. It can also be like a blink of an eye.

One of the significant chapters of my life is in the prelude stage and the new chapter opens to yet more unknowns and savouring experiences to the Only One Great God, Jesus Christ.

Another Testing

I was filled with some sort of excitement and anticipation to be embarking on my new job scope on my way back after my one-month break on 30Oct.

However, as if to kill my excitement and anticipation, the news of my new colleague leaving dawned upon me the night I landed back in Cambodia, Phnom Penh in Tokyo Hotel. My heart sank to the deepest pit and the sense of unease and demoralization set in my heart, engulfing the excitement and wiping out my anticipation to be back. It lasted for about two days.

The Lord had been silent about this new testing of my trust in Him. I thought I would receive some encouragement from His Word, but none. But I was reminded of God’s sovereignty and that His purposes prevail. I brought back the sweet moments I had with Him in Cameron Highlands during my break back home and the verses, ‘for it is God who works in me to will and to act according to His good purpose’; Phi 2:13 and ‘Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.’, 2Cor 3:5.

Reflecting on His words comforted me and gave me a new sense of hope and looking forward to what is ahead. Though I accept the reasons my colleague gave me for leaving, I could not comprehend God’s hand in this.

On the other hand, I could learn some valuable lesson from my new colleague and her family. God has His purposes to mould me and He sent her to do a certain part in me, just like He always does. Praise the Lord!

Simplicity in Cam...

Simplicity is the word I can describe Cameron (Highlands) and Cambodia. While in Cameron, the sense of similarity between these two places grew more affirmative and after some thought and observation, simplicity is the word. They are simple, their lives are simple and their environment is simple; they are not complicated, not stressful, not crowded.

However, their similarity in simplicity also exists between them a big difference.

‘Cameronians’ are people who want to be self-sufficient, they are people who want to depend on themselves, they are people who want to work hard and survive and to survive well.

Cambodians are people who tend to think that people around them owe them. They think that they deserve to be helped, they think that they have the right to receive something from someone. They are not independent, they are not hardworking and they only want to survive.

The similarity of simplicity is apparent and likewise amidst the simplicity, there is inherent the respectable difference for the Cameronians.

God is Faithful. God is Good

I survived my third term!!! Praise the Lord!

It is so good to be back for my break. And of course, as i look back, i could see vivdly the footprints of the Lord as i journeyed through the last six months.

The last six months were the most hectic and challenging. But the presence of God had been real and comforting. How true with what Paul had said, "His grace is sufficient for me........" 2Cor 12:9.

Praise the Lord and may i grow in the love, knowledge and submission to His will!

3Oct 2007

God is present!

Time flies and I have been here in Cambodia, Prey Veng orphanage for one year and more than one month. I have learnt precious lessons I otherwise would not have learnt through coming here. God has been very real and very good. He has been carrying me through well and healthy.

A month ago I just bade farewell to my co-worker who has to leave prematurely due to an unexpected surgery she has to undergo. I am still wondering why the Lord allowed the sudden turn of events in my life. I know God has His best plans for me, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

All of a sudden I have to take on two roles. But God is good, again. He sent a volunteer to co-work with me for a month plus. My boss is nice too. He also arranged another volunteer to come in for another month after the present volunteer leaves. I realized I have grown a little more. Instead of fretting and lamenting the turn of events, I had the confidence that God will only put me through what He knows I can take and as the volunteer reminded me, “His grace is sufficient for you”.

After taking on the responsibility of planning for devotion for the children and youth more than three months ago, I thank God for giving me wisdom and a team of spiritually interested staff to run the devotion together. And I praise God for bringing seven children to receive Him during one of the altar calls! Praise the Lord! Though we are a Christian orphanage I can never know if my children here have accepted Jesus into their lives wholeheartedly. They sing grace, they pray and they listen to God’s word but only God knows what is deep inside their hearts. Likewise for my staff, the things they say and do only God knows their hearts. In Cambodia, it is all about survival. SURVIVAL is a BIG word. Some of my staff here had been through Pol Pot and they have survived, and I am sure they understand survival a lot more than I do.

Therefore, with this reality, I know that my testimony here is crucial. I can ‘bring’ them closer to our Abba or further away from them. I am watched by my staff and my children, all 118 of them together. And there are still more to come. But God is my strength and my goal to live to please Him.

I seek your prayer support as follows:

1) God will expose the works of the Evil One in our midst. And my children will choose the wise thing to do – to love and obey God.

We (I together with the volunteer) have been handling theft cases within my orphanage. Our children have been found stealing from us and taking the stolen things to sell in the market. One particular child is the staff’s son and the staff has been condoning this behaviour and this boy has had repeated offences. We wanted to have a public caning and I threatened to want to go to the police but because the staff (husband and wife) insisted that they did not want the above punishment, we had to give in to their request and gave him a very diluted punishment. Moreover, because of the fact that I know of it, the mother (also my staff) went to the Ministry of Social Affairs and complained about me. She did likewise to the previous Operations Manager when the manager found out that her son stole from us.

2) God grants me wisdom to question and investigate the theft cases. (One photo printer was lost when a church team came for about a week to minister to our children and staff.)

3) God grants me wisdom to counsel and help the houseparents and our children to desire to love God and grow to be like Him.

4) God will work in us, all the staff, to give us unity to work together for the healthy growth of the children-spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, socially and physically.

As I reflect about all the happenings in my life now, it seems quite dark. The church team who was here told me that when she was praying for me, she saw a dark cloud above me. I just realized that I am very vulnerable to attacks and I think it is the position that I am in, taking charge of 14 staff and 104 children. But I also know that God’s will and power prevail. I know that I will have the ultimate victory because our Lord Christ Jesus has already won the victory! For now, I just have to plough on and look up to my Lord, the Creator and Lover of all.

Thank you for partnering with me in prayers. Your prayers mean a lot to me.