Jesus is .....

I did not have to go to you
I did not have to eat your food
I did not have to wear your clothes
I did not have to speak like you
I did not have to go to you
You came to me
You ate my food
You wore my clothes
You spoke like me
You came to me
You came from the highest place
You came from heaven
You came down to me
You did not have to
You did
You showed your love to me
At your expense
Love



You knew the depths of my heart yet you love me the same
You are ....
No word is enough to describe YOU.

Experiencing Him

“One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.” Psalm 27:4

This is a familiar verse to many and it came to life to me last week when I was at a 5-day silent retreat at Upper Bukit Timah Road. It was a deep and unspeakable joy to experience the Lord’s presence and to be brought to mind some of the things that happened in Cambodia that the Lord wanted me to pay attention to. One such was a statement that came on strongly to me, ‘You have deliberately disobeyed me.’ I did not understand why it was so strikingly loud to me when we watched ‘The Lion King’ the first night at the retreat. I brushed it aside but it came back to me the next night. The Lord brought me back to a scene where I was with my ex-boss in Cambodia with some other people and we were having an informal meeting of some sort in a dream. I was thinking deeply about it and the statement, ‘You have deliberately disobeyed me’ continued to ring in my ears.

It came to light that while applying for a building permit in Cambodia, some complications came up and I was struggling with the go-abouts of handling the hiccups. I put into consideration not to violate God’s commands in regards to handling these hiccups. However, as the process went on, I remembered the thought of, ‘I don’t care anymore, just settle it the Khmer way and I want to get it over and done with!’. At that moment I was plagued with various issues more important to handle than the hiccups of the building permit. It was that moment I believed had offended God. It was completely out of my mind for a long time and it was immaterial to me. However, it was brought to my mind that it meant a lot to God the way things were handled. Some things which I may consider as trivial and harmless could be things that matter a lot to my good God.

The Lord was speaking to me in various ways with some help from my spiritual director. I felt so close to my Lord and there was this deep overflowing joy that came from within me.

Missing Cambodia…….

I miss the cordial countenance of the Khmers. I miss the children’s noise, their warmness, friendliness and generous smiles. I long to talk to them, to hold and to touch.

The intensity of longing for them was beyond my expectation and it surprised me. A few sudden urges arose to go back and continue to work there so that I could be in contact with them. I know it was silliness and absurdity but it also astonished me for having such thoughts.

On an occasion gazing at a fruitful mango tree along Hougang triggered the thoughts of ‘how could the mangoes still be on the trees!!!’ It is such a waste and such a plentiful for survival of at least a few days for a few poor Khmer families! The fruits could have been taken to sell in the market in exchange for rice and/or meat.

Or, the mangoes would be all gone in minutes if my boys were here! How could the fruits still be hanging there to rot….

I could not resist the urge to ask a passerby who the mangoes belong to. The answer was “the government lo”, I said, “Yea, I know itz the government, the government, who, HDB? Social Affairs, or Town Council….which body?” The passerby said, “I don’t know. Anyway, these mangoes are not tasty, the other type the what what what… are the delicious ones.” Again, another cultural difference: Singaporeans go for tasty mangoes, Khmers are happy with edible mangoes. I miss the innocence and simplicity of the Khmers. And also the ‘anything goes attitude and mentality’, especially on the road!

I long for the children’s ever ready and generous smiles and I miss watching the children’s camaraderie.

Two months ago on 18 April, last day in Cambodia

Emotional exhaustion, physical tiredness and a forethought of having to part with the kids and staff had been choking me in the last few weeks of my service in the orphanage. And it got more intense on this memorable day.

I enjoyed my last moments with my last batch of children who did not get to go home for Khmer New Year at the nearby restaurant in the morning, the Cambodia province restaurant but by Singapore standard, it was a coffee shop. It was an enjoyable time to be able to be with them and see their cheerful faces for one last time in a small group setting. Bearing in mind that it will be my last time with this specific group of kids and it was their first time for most, in this restaurant.

I consider it the best time to depart. Khmer New Year is the most celebrated festive season in Cambodia and about 80% of the kids were home for Khmer New Year. Which means there were less than thirty children to part with. It was a lot bearable.

After a pleasant meal with my beloved kids, it was then packing and more last minute packing with interruptions of farewells from different people. I knew I was going to lose what I had been having for the past two years, the familiar smiles, laughter, the morning running of the lorry and the chattering and running of the children getting ready to go to school and much more. I felt like crying but the tears did not flow till the last moment.

It is still vivid in my mind he said a prayer for me by the white Ford and it was then that I could not bear it anymore and the tears came, and was glad it did not last long. I guess he knew what was in my heart and mind. I thank God for him. God has His purposes, always. I guess if not for him as the in-between and another volunteer turned friend by me, I would not have sustained till my last day. The volunteer turned friend had been with me helping me and supporting me in various ways, in ways I could not imagine how much I needed him. Or I would have had collapsed with dire consequences. I thank God for him as well and I appreciate him. Of course these are all a part of all Jesus’ sustaining grace, love and provision. He knows my needs and my limits and my weaknesses, a lot more than I know them.

“Even to your old age and grey hairs, I am He, I am He Who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you. I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” Isaiah 46:4

What do I miss most of Cambodia……..?

Two Years Ago

I remember two years ago, about this time, I was full of passion and excitement about the new venture in my life, embarking into something I thought was what I wanted very much to do.

However, now, it has become a past, a pleasant past and a great experience of discovering people, different types of people and a wonderful learning experience about God and His unfailing love and presence. Jesus is always, always so so good.

Two years may seem very long. It can also be like a blink of an eye.

One of the significant chapters of my life is in the prelude stage and the new chapter opens to yet more unknowns and savouring experiences to the Only One Great God, Jesus Christ.

Another Testing

I was filled with some sort of excitement and anticipation to be embarking on my new job scope on my way back after my one-month break on 30Oct.

However, as if to kill my excitement and anticipation, the news of my new colleague leaving dawned upon me the night I landed back in Cambodia, Phnom Penh in Tokyo Hotel. My heart sank to the deepest pit and the sense of unease and demoralization set in my heart, engulfing the excitement and wiping out my anticipation to be back. It lasted for about two days.

The Lord had been silent about this new testing of my trust in Him. I thought I would receive some encouragement from His Word, but none. But I was reminded of God’s sovereignty and that His purposes prevail. I brought back the sweet moments I had with Him in Cameron Highlands during my break back home and the verses, ‘for it is God who works in me to will and to act according to His good purpose’; Phi 2:13 and ‘Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.’, 2Cor 3:5.

Reflecting on His words comforted me and gave me a new sense of hope and looking forward to what is ahead. Though I accept the reasons my colleague gave me for leaving, I could not comprehend God’s hand in this.

On the other hand, I could learn some valuable lesson from my new colleague and her family. God has His purposes to mould me and He sent her to do a certain part in me, just like He always does. Praise the Lord!

Simplicity in Cam...

Simplicity is the word I can describe Cameron (Highlands) and Cambodia. While in Cameron, the sense of similarity between these two places grew more affirmative and after some thought and observation, simplicity is the word. They are simple, their lives are simple and their environment is simple; they are not complicated, not stressful, not crowded.

However, their similarity in simplicity also exists between them a big difference.

‘Cameronians’ are people who want to be self-sufficient, they are people who want to depend on themselves, they are people who want to work hard and survive and to survive well.

Cambodians are people who tend to think that people around them owe them. They think that they deserve to be helped, they think that they have the right to receive something from someone. They are not independent, they are not hardworking and they only want to survive.

The similarity of simplicity is apparent and likewise amidst the simplicity, there is inherent the respectable difference for the Cameronians.